The holidays have had me very busy and a cold, a horrible one, the week before didn't help. I was feeling run down and needed a break. I am feeling better, still exhausted, but that is how the holidays always work. It was a fantastic Christmas. We had a blast with JP even though he really didn't know what was going on. I received some very thoughtful gifts and so much appreciate them. I saw family and friends from near and far and my house feels like it has been a revolving door of people in and out. It has been great but tiring. It has also been a good diversion as this time of year is bittersweet for me. I think that is why I am finding the need to write.
Today marks two years from the doctor's appointment that may have altered my life completely. Today was the day that I went to the doctor at 17.5 weeks pregnant and was told by the doctor that was in that day that I was fine, round ligament pain was causing my discomfort. I was naive, I left the office saying, this is normal, no sonogram to check anything out. I know better now, I know to trust my instincts. Two days later I was admitted into the hospital because of a degenerating fibroid that caused the loss of Lia Rose. I picture her in my mind growing up as I watch my friends daughters who would be so close to her age. It is hard, but she sent the most perfect little boy for us. He would not be here if she was and now I cannot imagine life without him.
This Christmas I was able to put her ornament on the tree along with his. I have a pregnant bear ornament that I received as a gift the Christmas I was pregnant with her. It upset me too much last year to put it up, but this year, I took it out and wrote her name and birthday on the back and hung it right in front of the tree. It is another step. Then I thought about the fact that I don't have one for JP and realized that I was glad, it is something I have just for her. He will have many more ornaments to come, but that one, is hers.