Thursday, December 30, 2010

Time away, for a few reasons...

The holidays have had me very busy and a cold, a horrible one, the week before didn't help.  I was feeling run down and needed a break.  I am feeling better, still exhausted, but that is how the holidays always work.  It was a fantastic Christmas.  We had a blast with JP even though he really didn't know what was going on.  I received some very thoughtful gifts and so much appreciate them.  I saw family and friends from near and far and my house feels like it has been a revolving door of people in and out.  It has been great but tiring.  It has also been a good diversion as this time of year is bittersweet for me.  I think that is why I am finding the need to write.

Today marks two years from the doctor's appointment that may have altered my life completely.  Today was the day that I went to the doctor at 17.5 weeks pregnant and was told by the doctor that was in that day that I was fine, round ligament pain was causing my discomfort.  I was naive, I left the office saying, this is normal, no sonogram to check anything out.  I know better now, I know to trust my instincts.  Two days later I was admitted into the hospital because of a degenerating fibroid that caused the loss of Lia Rose.  I picture her in my mind growing up as I watch my friends daughters who would be so close to her age.  It is hard, but she sent the most perfect little boy for us.  He would not be here if she was and now I cannot imagine life without him.

This Christmas I was able to put her ornament on the tree along with his.  I have a pregnant bear ornament that I received as a gift the Christmas I was pregnant with her.  It upset me too much last year to put it up, but this year, I took it out and wrote her name and birthday on the back and hung it right in front of the tree.  It is another step.  Then I thought about the fact that I don't have one for JP and realized that I was glad, it is something I have just for her.  He will have many more ornaments to come, but that one, is hers.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

It's that time again!  Ashley Sisk from Ramblings and Photos does a scavenger hunt each week and it is so much fun to participate.  It's always great to see the different interpretations of the photo prompts.  I hope you enjoy my photos.

1. Black & White
 He wasn't quite sure of what to make of the drum stick.  We just had to do it.
2.  I ate this
 My husband makes the most delicious popcorn with sage brown butter and seasoned salt.  Yum!

3. Historic
 This is from my archive.  It is a picture of the light house at Montauk Point.  It could actually work for 
The End as well as that is what we call it, but I have a different picture for that.

4.  Off Center

5.  The End
 This is THE END of my day.  I had some other ideas for the end, but none of them came to fruition.  That's ok though, I'll keep them tucked inside my head until they do.

Friday, November 26, 2010

So blessed

I didn't have the opportunity yesterday to post about all the thankfulness that I have.  I don't think that thankful really cuts it at this point.  My husband and I haven't had the easiest two two years, there have been a lot of ups and downs.  For a while it was mostly downs that just seemed to keep coming at as.  I am thankful that through it all we were able to support one another and grow into our new perspective.  I am thankful that two years ago (almost)  I was able to hold a perfect little angel who opened up our hearts more than we knew they could be opened.  She left us raw and exposed and cracked our hearts opened in a way that I really can't explain.  I am so thankful for the little guy in our lives right now who, cracked us opened even more.  I am thankful for his health and his happiness his smiles and his laughter.  I am thankful that I am seeing the world through his eyes everyday.  I am thankful for my husband who is my rock.  He is truly amazing, always there to help me with whatever I need, even when it means putting his own things aside.  I am often blown away by how thoughtful and perceptive he is.  I think our little one may be following in his daddy's footsteps.  I am thankful for my parents who watch my little guy everyday while I go to work.  I know that he is getting the best care aside from us watching him.  I am also thankful for fantastic friends who have been there for us when we've needed them.  All in all, although the past two years have been tough, I am so grateful to have what I do right now.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Another Photo Challenge

I found this photo challenge on The Paper Mama blog and thought it might be fun to enter.  The challenge was eyes.  His eyes are the coolest color right now.  So hard to describe, the are maybe best described as steel blue, but there's a ring of greenish right around his pupil.  I wonder what color they will be????

The Paper Mama

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

It's that time again, Scavenger Hunt Sunday.  I really do enjoy taking the pictures even if I don't get them all.  It keeps me thinking of pictures and different shots.  I gave it my best effort!  That's all that I can do right???  It isn't easy with working full-time and being a new mom.  I get the weekends to take pictures.  Here are this weeks for me...
 1.  The View Above (OK, so I thought it was the view from above)
Between my feet the rock looks like a heart!  

2.  Something Hot
This was in the greenhouse at a nursery we love to go to.

3. Something Cold 
(Snowflakes are cold although not this one, could go for sparkle too)

4. Electronic (missed this one)

5.  Sparkle
It was sparkly in the store, but doesn't seem so now.

I always have fun taking the pictures.  I usually don't have much time for editing before I post them so these are all straight out of the camera.  I have been playing around with some editing when I have the time, so hopefully I'll get something on here.  Maybe over the four day vacation for Thanksgiving, which really is my favorite.

Next weeks photos are

  1. Black and White (next week's Paper Mama theme)
  2. I Ate This... (November 2010 Photo Hunt)
  3. Historic (Dina's Suggestion)
  4. Off-Center (Dina's Suggestion)
  5. The End (Dina's Suggestion)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

I haven't done Scavenger Hunt Sunday in a few weeks.  Things have just been a bit hectic in our house.  I realized that I barely even took pictures of the little guy the past two weeks.  I broke the camera out this weekend and got some pictures of him and two for the Scavenger Hunt.  I like to get them all, but I figured the effort was worth it.


I made this journal this weekend.  The inspiration came from The Creative Mama Blog.  I saw it and thought that I would make a wish book.  My husband and I are always thinking of things that we would like for ourselves, the house and now the baby, but often we don't have the means to get it at the time.  I thought that by writing down some of our "wishes" it may help us to make some of them come true.  For example, my husband wants to create storage space in the garage, and I would like a new color printer.  We can have a goal and it will hopefully help us to reach it.  I also thought it would be nice to put some of the really big wishes we have too such as trips etc. that we would both like to do one day.  It may seem silly, but putting it down on paper helps sometimes. 


That's all I have for this week, but I have to say that I was excited to make my little journal.  I think it came out pretty nicely.  I have some thoughts on how I might do the next one that I make. 

We had such a fabulous weekend here!  The weather was very mild for the middle of November and we spent a lot of time outdoors.  We have a huge pot of sauce on the stove and the house smells wonderful.  Our chore list has paid off because this weekend we didn't spend so much time doing household things, we did some, but we really were able to enjoy each other.  The best part is that we are all caught up with pretty much everything!  Oh and I have exercised for 4 out of 6 days this week.  I am on a roll and hope I can keep it up.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Always on the go

It has been quite a hectic few weeks in my house hold.  We are having work done on the outside of our house, siding, a roof, some windows.  It has been rather stressful for my husband and I.  It's nearing the end and the house looks beautiful.  It is so much better than it was before and we are already noticing in a difference in how the house holds the heat.  I can't wait until it is all finished, and then I may just want to sit outside and look at it all the time.

We are also working on getting organized.  I found some templates on excel for chores and menus and have started using them.  We work well when we can cross something off or check something off.  It also really makes us a little more accountable to keep up with the little things that turn into big things if you don't stay on top of them.  We've been doing it for just about a week now and the house is the cleanest it's been in a while.  It feels good to be able to keep up and doing a little each night makes it so much less daunting. 

The other thing that has been really hard but is turning out to be very good for us is that we have let the little man cry at night.  We had only one night where he cried for about 45 minutes.  I checked on him after 5, 10, and then 15 minute intervals until he fell asleep.  He pretty much has been sleeping through the night since then.  He has been sleeping for about 10 hours a night which has made me feel like a new person.  It is so hard to listen to him cry, but he has been in such good spirits and is now getting a full night of sleep instead of waking up two or three times in the night.  Now when he does wake up he cries for less than five minutes and goes right back to sleep.  Getting a full night sleep has been great for me.

little monster
Right after we decided that we needed to try letting him cry, he learned how to crawl.  He looked like Bambi on our wood floors trying to figure it out.  He is getting pretty good at it, but mostly just crawls to someplace that he can pull himself up, so I think that walking isn't too far away.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

I had a crazy week this week and wasn't sure I would get the photos taken for the scavenger hunt. These aren't my best, but I tried.  Things should calm down for me next week I hope, but probably not

 1. Sky
This would have been great for the sunset last week, but it works for sky this week.
 2. 5 Senses 
It's so exciting to watch him explore new things.  It's like learning all over again!
 3.  Dining
This was my anniversary dinner.  I couldn't decide and got a hamburger, but it may have been the best hamburger that I have eaten.  It was a lovely evening spent with friends.  It was so strange to be out without the baby.
 4. Child
He's just too cute!
 5. Night
I had a crazy week this week and wasn't sure I would get the photos taken for the scavenger hunt. These aren't my best, but I tried.  Things should calm down for me next week I hope, but probably not.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Finding Balance

I am having a tough time balancing the things that I want to do, need to do, and should do lately.  After working all week and running around I usually don't want to do all the things that need to get done and should get done on the weekends.  I am trying to make priorities, but sometimes that doesn't even work.  There have been things on my list of to do's for a month that still haven't gotten done.  I am trying to adjust to this new managing of my time.  Some nights it is enough to get the baby to sleep and at that point all I want to do is sleep.  Thankfully my husband is amazing!  While I am getting JP to sleep he is usually cooking dinner for the two of us.  If I had to do it, I don't think we would eat. 

We used to cook our meals together and we tried lots of different recipes.  It was so much fun.  Last night we actually did this.  I had to make a vegetarian food for lunch at work today and we made a crock-pot soup together after we ate dinner.  At that point I decided that we need to do that more often.  We need to set up the crock-pot at night and have a meal ready in the morning.  It smelled delicious in our house and we have plenty left to eat and freeze even after I brought some to work.  This is something that we need to get better at.

I have also been trying to exercise and am still finding it tough to fit it.  It is something I want and need to do.  I really did my best with this when I had a trainer once a week and was going to the gym.  I know that right now that is not feasible due to a few restraints.  I have been trying various exercise videos I have taken out of the library and this has been working I just need to make a better effort to do it.  Maybe if we eat dinner just a little bit later and I can do it right after I get him to bed.

I am feeling a bit like I am rambling on and on today, but it's just how I am feeling lately. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Playing with Gimp

I downloaded some free photo editing software, Gimp, because I don't have anything loaded on my laptop and we have Photoshop on our desktop and it is slow and not at all portable.  Since I don't really  know how to use Photoshop I figured that this would work.  My husband looked it up on cnet and it had great reviews.  I was playing around with a photo that I had previously posted.  I really don't know what I am doing, but I figured out how to add a texture from Kim Klassen.  I added a quote that I have used before on here as well. 

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

The Scavenger Hunt Sunday items this week were:
  1. Side Lighting
  2. Jack O' Lantern (October 2010 item)
  3. Faces formed in Nature (October 2010 item)
  4. Sunset
  5. Warm
 1. Side lighting

I loved the way the light was hitting this apple just right from the side.  This was taken on our trip to Vermont.  I'd love to go every weekend!
2. Jack-o-lantern
 3. Faces in nature
 This one was tough for me, but we found it in the arboretum!  Such a pretty place.  More to come on that!

4. Sunset
 I wasn't able to get a sunset picture til the last minute.  This is taken from my sons bedroom window.

5. Warm

I am excited that I was able to do this two weeks in a row!  I hope that I can keep it up.  This week might be rough, but we'll see what happens.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Parent interview from Feet on the Ground

This week an interview I had done on parenting was posted on Feet on the Ground.  Please check out the interview.  D has a great blog and has conducted several interviews already.  It's been nice to read about different views on parenting and see how similar they can be.  I think that everyone finds their own parenting groove and that you settle in to what works for you.  If you get a chance check it out, the other interviews are great as well.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Infant Loss Awareness Day

I have thought about what to write here today, but I am not quite sure where this is going.  Today is Infant Loss Awareness day.  I am sitting typing to the flicker of the candle that I have lit for Lia Rose and all the other parents who have lost their babies, and I know many, but here's just one

It's quite amazing that just when you think that you cannot grieve anymore, that there are no more tears left to cry, something happens that brings you right back to that moment.  It could be a song on the radio, or that you have heard of a loss, or you see a could be anything.  I know that sometimes I still have a good cry for the loss of Lia Rose.  I find it happens most often in the quiet of the night as I am feeding JP or cuddling him to sleep.  He often looks like he is gazing right past me and it makes me think, can he see her, is he so innocent that he can see her and she is right there with us.  Our own little angel.  That's when the tears usually start and it isn't that inconsolable crying that occurred in my deepest of grief, but more of a gentle stream of tears.  If Lia Rose was here JP would not be and that is so strange to think about because I cannot imagine life without him.

I hope for a day that no babies are born still, but right now I know more people who have lost babies than haven't.  The losses occurred at all different stages.  I am thankful that we were able to hold Lia and have a service for her.  She is buried in a special section of the cemetery that is dedicated to infants.  It breaks my heart when I go there, but I am glad that I have someplace to go. 

I have learned how strong I am, how strong my husband is and how strong we are together.  I know that we can do anything.  I learned that there are so many people who truly care and would have done anything that they could.  I learned that sometimes people come into you life at certain points for a reason, and people go out of your life for the same reason.  I learned how incredibly generous people are.  I am a changed person having gone through the loss, I feel that I have lost so much, but in a way have gained even more and for that I am thankful.  I don't think that a year and ten months ago I would have ever thought that I would say anything like that.

So thank you Lia Rose for cracking my heart wide opened and showing me what unconditional love truly is.

At one glance/ I love you/ With a thousand hearts-Mihri Hatun

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Long weekends

Long weekends are my favorite! I mean really who doesn't love them. This one I spent in Vermont with my two loves and our very good friends. We saw gorgeous fall leaves from the top of Killington, went to barn sales and tasted beer at some breweries. All in all it was a fantastic weekend. The worst part as usual is just the traveling there. Leaving we did great because the little guy decided to get up at around 2:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep so we left by 4. Needless to say we were both exhausted that evening. We still had a great time though. Today it is back to reality! Why do short weeks seem so long sometimes?

I also must say that I am overwhelmed by the response to my photos for the Sunday Scavenger Hunt. It was fun to take the shots, but the feedback is really just what I need. It's nice to hear when others like my photos aside from my husband. I don't proclaim to be great, but I do enjoy it and I think that with practice I'll keep getting better. I am still learning my camera. So to all of those who left such nice comments thank you!!! The pink converse were my favorite shot as well.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday Scavenger Hunt

I am participating in the Sunday Scavenger Hunt over here.  These are my photos for the week.
1. Pink
2. Books
 3. Fall Colors
 4. Leaf
 5. Orange

I played with some of these in photoshop as I am trying to learn how to use it a little bit.  I hope you enjoy my pictures from the Sunday Scavenger Hunt.  I am not sure I will be able to keep up with it all the time, but I am going to try.  We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Gina Red Tartan Plaid Gathered Infinity Style Scarf with Button Detail

My Bestie is a very talented artist and this is her new Etsy shop. We've known each other since we were three and have been through just about everything together. I have some of her necklace charms and they are the CUTEST ever! I love the scarves and this one is named after me!!!! I think I am going to have to get one of them...the question is which. Check out her site.

Gina Red Tartan Plaid Gathered Infinity Style Scarf with Button Detail

Sunday, October 3, 2010

New Kicks

Check out my kicks!  

Another great weekend with the family!  Sundays are always a little bit sad for me because I know that the two days that we spend together just aren't enough for any of us.  Saturday was an absolutely perfect day here.  A trip to the farmers market and the outlets near our house.  I couldn't resist picking up these converse for JP.  My husband stopped in the store to look and I really couldn't help it.  The best is that they match mine!  They look adorable on his little feet, which apparently are not so little we had to buy him a size 4.  They are a bit big, but he'll grow into them for sure!  Yay to weekends with the family.

Today is a gray day outside and it is much cooler than I thought it would be.  I welcome the cooler weather right now though.  It's a refreshing change from the heat that we have had.  The leaves are starting to turn and fall and the air has a crispness to it.  

I came across this today and I think that I am going to try to do it, Sunday Scavenger Hunt on Ramblings and Photos.  It looks like fun.  I am not sure that I can manage, but like I said, I will try.  I need to keep motivated to take pictures of things other than my little man.  Although he is one of my favorites to take pictures of.  I have a bunch for the photos that are coming up next week.  I still need a few more.  Hopefully I will have some time to do it.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hearts in the vine

A fantastic day at Jamesport Vineyard yesterday with my family.  We really were able to all enjoy each other as we sat outside in the midst of the vines listening to Reckoning and just relaxing.  I was able to take some photographs and spend some time with my two guys without feeling the rush and need to get "stuff" done around the house.  There was lots of that this weekend too, but I am so glad that we took the time to do something fun.  We also made a quick stop at Roanoke Vineyard as well to say hello to my parents.  On the way home we stopped at the farmers market and picked up some veggies and mums, which actually made it into planters when we got home last night.  AMAZING!  What a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.  I wish they were all like that.  I really needed that.

The goodness continues with a fantastic dinner tonight!  We had pan fried tilapia with purple broccoli and tomato with mozzarella cheese.  Yum!  I can taste it as I am writing about it.  My big guy has been amazing cooking dinners for the two of us as I get the little one to bed.  I was even able to exercise tonight!  Very excited about that.  It was for just a little, but it is a start.  Let's hope it continues.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Some quiet time

It is a beautiful Autumn morning here on Long Island.  I am sitting outside on the front stoop watching my husband rake out the grass to prepare to seed the lawn.  The little one is napping, hopefully a good one.  I am enjoying the quiet of a Sunday morning in our neighborhood.  Sitting outside with my computer and sipping a cup of coffee. 

This morning I couldn't sleep.  I feed the little guy, and then I was wide awake.  As I lay there I started to think about the quiet moments that I have lately.  The one that stands out the most is my commute.  As I lay there, I thought about how the morning commute I usually tumble all sorts of things in my head.  Lately thoughts of Lia Rose have been abound.  It could be because one of my very best friends will be having her baby girl any moment now.  It could be just because.  They are not necessarily sad thoughts.  I often think of her and what she may be doing right now.  I think of her taking care of her "baby" brother and her mom and dad.

Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend that I met through my new mommy group.  She has a daughter just a few weeks older than JP.  She is 14 weeks pregnant again.  She had a difficult time the first time and never thought she would get pregnant.  Our bodies are amazing.  While we were at lunch, I was giving JP his lunch, and he wasn't really eating, but was pretty cute.  A gentlemen at the next table told me that he was very cute and then proceeded to ask me one of the most difficult questions, "Is he your first?"  I always hesitate when asked, never quite knowing what to say.  I usually just say yes, but it always make me feel a bit guilty.  He isn't really my first, my first is an angel.  It is so hard to just explain that.

I have been also trying to figure out how I want to finish decorating JP's bedroom.  I have found several prints on Etsy that I truly love and am trying to think of the best combination to do an art wall for him.  I think it would be so much fun! 

Wow I feel like my thoughts have been wandering all over the place.  Anyway, it's been a great weekend and hopefully we'll get to a harvest festival somewhere today!  We'll see what the day brings!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Autumn is here

As much as I love summer and the beach, I truly enjoy the cooler weather that Autumn brings. Every year I hope for a nice long one. I am hoping that this is the year after the very hot summer we had here. I am looking forward to days at the Vineyard and fall festivals with the family. Maybe we will have to go pumpkin picking and apple picking.

                                   Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
                                                                                                         -Albert Camus

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Need some inspiration

A girlfriend of mine recently emailed me that she had started a blog and wanted me to check it out. Of course I did as soon as it was physically possible for me to do so, and I am so glad that I did. You can check it out here, A Journey Toward Wellness.  I think she gave me the bit of the inspiration and motivation that I need. I am hoping maybe we can keep each other in check.

A bit of background on the two of us. We have known each other since her freshman and my sophomore year of college. We have been through ups and downs together and the most recent has made our friendship the strongest it has been. She has been there for me in so many ways even though she lives about four hours away. We now can compare notes on our boys since they are about 7 weeks apart.

Found on the beach in Corolla, NC
Since having JP I have had my fair share of healthy issues going on. Finding time for myself to do the things I need to do to get back on track has not been easy even when I was home for the summer. I have been struggling with high blood pressure and have been on medication. When I was weaned off of it my blood pressure spiked. I would like to be off of it again, but I need to get the BP under control. The latest bit is that my joints have been aching. I was convinced it was some kind of arthritis. It is mainly in my hands, but I ache at night. My blood work came back normal and my doctor and the rheumatologist seem to think it could be some kind of virus. So, now I have to wait it out. In the meantime the rheumatologist told me that I need to get exercise and plenty of rest. I told her, "You do remember that I have a 7 month old." I can't do much about the rest part because if he needs me in the middle of the night I am not going to sleep, but I need to take control of the exercise.

I am going to make an effort to do something at least twice a week for right now. I did take DVD's out of the library and I did do one of them, I need to continue to do them.

Thank you Annie for helping to motivate and inspire me to take some time and get myself back on track.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Carved in Stone

This is my first weekend home after my first full week of work.  It feels so great to be able to spend the whole day with my two loves.  We had such a great day today.  It started with morning snuggles in bed with the family and then a great cup of coffee.  I spent some time with my little guy while my husband went out for a bike ride.  When he got home we spent the early afternoon in a town near our house.  I took some photographs, and browsed the shops.  We had lunch outside in a cafe while the baby napped.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  

I haven't had much time for myself and today felt like I did even though we were all together.  I was able to do a little bit of something on my own.  As much as I want time to myself I want to spend every minute that I can with my little one.  Right now I am thinking that the weekend needs to always be at least three days long.

Here's a few of the photos from today.  I loved the purple leaves on that plant.  I have no idea what it is.